SIMPSONS: PRIVATE SEX IMAGES LEAKED

Breaking news in latest of sex scandals to rock Simpsons family.


SPRINGFIELD-- The private photos of Homer and Marge Simpson leaked by unknown source to internet.

Early rumors alleged that Moe Szyslak, proprietor of Moe’s Tavern, and long-time friend of Homer Simpson, leaked private home sex images of Homer and Marge Simpson. Associates state that Szylack has had a long-standing interest in Mrs. Simpson. Szylack responded, “Hey, I’d never does nothin’ to hurt Midge.”

Recent reports indicate that a woman identified only as “Becky,” leaked the images to the press. Mrs. Simpson invited Becky to stay at the Simpson residence after allegedly ruining Becky’s wedding with Otto Mann, Springfield Elementary school bus driver.

Simpson children, Bart and Lisa, stated that they enjoyed Becky’s presence, but that their mother, Mrs. Simpson, thought that Becky was trying to replace her.

Mrs. Simpson was seen brandishing a broken ceramic ice cream cone at a local ice cream parlor while Becky was attempting CPR to save Mr. Simpson from choking. Mrs. Simpson was reported yelling, “Usurper.” Springfield police arrested Mrs. Simpson.


Doctors pronounced Mrs. Simpson clinically insane. Mrs. Simpson dramatically escaped the courtroom, and was later apprehended at the Simpson home where a school film project was underway. Authorities subdued Mrs. Simpson with tranquilizers. No charges were formally pressed.

Mrs. Simpson now accuses Becky of making the private images public. “She stayed in our house when I was away—she had access to everything,” said Mrs. Simpson. “She’s trying to steal my Homie. Usurper!!”

Becky cold not be reached for comment.

“This really is no one’s business. Every marital couple has a right to marital you-know what,” said Lionel Hutz, the Simpson’s attorney.

POLAROID COUPLE

YOGA IN THE SUN

Good for the body and mind.

MARGE SIMPSON ROCKED BY SCANDAL
The latest in an ongoing scandal of mother and TV star Marge Simpson.

SPRINGFIELD—A new magazine has been found, featuring explicit images of Marge Simpson, wife of Homer Simpson of Springfield, and star of the popular television series, The Simpsons.

The January, 2008, issue of Playtoon magazine contains explicit images of Mrs. Simpson. Playtoon is far more explicit than the relatively tame pinup style images appearing Playboy and Playdude, according to Comic Book Guy.

The scandal comes after the recent public apology issued by Mrs. Simpson, where she explained her posing in an earlier issue of Playdude magainze as a result of being young, naïve, and “needing the money.”

The motivation for Mrs. Simpson’s more explicit series of images in Playtoon could be attributed to “the thrill of getting caught,” explained Dr. Marvin Monroe. Everyone has an exhibitionist side, wanting attention, notice, said Monroe, but fame and need for public recognition can lead to sex addiction. Marge has a very addictive personality, as seen in previous problems with gambling and drinking, the Springfield Psychotherapist sited, labeling Mrs, Simpson, “a woman out of control of her own impulses.”

“This is a diddly of a pickle,” said neighbor Ned Flanders.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET

HER FINAL FLING ON HER WEDDING DAY

Anna loved James very much, and was abut to become his wife. She had also loved Will, whom she had dated in high school. He was one of the groom's men, and seeing him again brought back the old flame.

Anna would never want to cheat on James. But she could not imagine going the rest of her life without one last touch and taste of another man's cock. And Will had such a lovely cock. Her wedding panties were wet just thinking of the things she and Will used to do.

She was still a single woman for an hour.

She pulled Will into a spare room. Their eyes met. The old spark leapt in her heart and she kneeled down, unbuckled his pants, tugged down his underwear, and took his hardening cock into her mouth.

MARGE SIMPSON ISSUES PUBLIC STATEMENT
With recent discovery of Playdude issue, Marge Simpson issues public statement.

SPRINGFIELD—“Why do people have to be such snoopy-poopies?” Marge Simpson, wife of Homer Simpson of Springfield, and star of the popular television series, The Simpsons, said today in a public announcement. “All the Simpson’s look forward to things returning to normal.”

When rumors arose of a “lost” issue of Playdude magazine featuring Marge posing nude, a mob of angry Springfield citizens gathered before city hall to demand Mrs. Simpson resign from the popular television series depicting life in their town. “Now let’s not get rash, people,” called Mayor Quimby. “We can’t go uncovering every sex scandal in this town.”

Mrs Simpson stood before the assembled crowd and exposed herself. “You are all such a bunch of lookie-loo’s, well, take a look! Satisfied?!”

Rev Lovejoy said that even though Mrs. Simpson was “ wicked” that the town should forgive and move past the recent events.

AFTER GREECE

Before we were married, my wife Helena had never been to a nude beach. For our honeymoon, we went to Europe. In the Greek Islands, Helena discovered that it was not only perfectly acceptable, but rather the local norm to frolicking on one of the many beaches completely nude. Coming from the Mid-West, she had some reservation about stripping in public. It wasn't that she was a prude, but just that it was so public. And so casual. And without guilt. Being raised by stanch good upright Lutheran mid-westerners, meant a lifetime of guilt and embarrassment and loathing of one's body. So, being nude on a public beach was hard for her a first, but after that she wanted to be naked at every beach whether it was a nude beach or not! So every time on our honeymoon we'd go to a beach, she'd toss off her clothes. The Europeans whether nude themselves or not, hardly seemed to notice.

Later, my wife would tell me how much it meant to finally let go of her sense of body-shame. It was like getting to be a little kid, playing in the sand at lakes, before adults made her feel bad about her body and herself. We now live in Oregon, and teh beaches are freezing, even in summer. But a few times a year, the wind stops and the sun warms the sand. Being so wind-swept, the beaches are rugged and empty. Not much but rocks and driftwood.

Helena likes to strip off her clothes and soak up the sun, recalling faraway Greece, and our vacation there. She doesn't worry if anyone sees her. "Maybe I'll set a good example," she says. "A little encouragement helped me."

LESSONS IN BIRDS AND BEES

My first girlfriend lived out of town in the country. She was shy because she didn't have a chance to to hang out with other kids outside of school or after-school activities. I guess there are chores, or something, on farms. So when we started dating, she'd either have to get her parents to give her a ride into town to drop her off at the mall so we could hang out or catch a movie or I would have to go all the way out to her place. When I turned 16, I could finally drive, so I'd go out to her place.

I learned that country girls grow up early with a sense of "the birds and the bees." She was totally unselfconscious about us messing around in the barn. She said that we were both going to lose our virginity, so it might as well be with each other, and might as well be now.

She'd take me to the barn and take off her clothes and help me out of mine, then show me what position she wanted first. She'd lay back on a saddle blanket with legs spread, or push me back and straddle me. Or, if our time was short, she'd pull down her jeans and present her backside to me, in an activity she liked to call "stallion and mare."

She once told me she'd found an old Playboy in the barn and had always wanted to be a Playboy model. Or a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. She wasn't a cheerleader at school. Most of the boys never gave her a second look. But she wanted to prove to herself, or to the world, that she was just as sexy as any girl. We took her camera out once, and she posed in the pastures.

Being my first time with any of this, I didn't have any way to compare it to anything else in my life. Now, decades later, I realize just how precocious she was and how quickly my sex ed came to be.

SEX SHOCKER: MARGE SIMSPON ACUSED OF COVER UP

SPRINGFIELD—Following the announcement of the discovery of the “lost” issue of Playdude Magazine, Marge Simpson, wife of Homer Simpson of Springfield, and star of the popular television series, The Simpsons, is facing recent reports of trying to recover the only known copy of the Playdude issue by offering sex to the two legal claimants, Moe Szyak, the current holder of the magazine copy, and Barney Gumble, the former roommate and friend of Szylak and Homer Simpson.

Carl Lenny Leonard and Carl Carlson, both fellow employees and friends of Homer Simpson at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plan, reported walking into Moe’s Tavern last night, and catching Mrs. Simpson engaged in sexual activity with Barney Gumble and Moe Szylak, proprietor.

“We were like, what gives?” said Carlson.

“Marge must be desperate to get that copy of Playdude,” added Leonard. “I wish I had it.”

"Huh, yeah, me, too,” said Carlson.

“A Lenny-Carl sandwich,” said Leonard. “That sounds good.”

“You better believe it,” said Carlson. The two exchanged a 'high-five.'

Mrs. Simpson, upon the advise of the Simpson legal cousel, Lionel Hutz, refused comment.

HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW?

She was 36, but the breasts of a 21-year-old. She was proud of them, and didn't mind showing them off. Not at all.

SAILING, SAILING, OVER THE BOUNDING MAIN


Y'heave ho! My lads, the wind blows free,
A pleasant gale is on our lee,
And soon across the ocean clear
Our gallant bark shall bravely steer.

KITCHEN SINK

HER TIME, LIGHTS ON

He left for work early each day to catch the train into the city. She'd have lots of restless energy. Her favorite way to enjoy herself was to slip on her sexiest negligée. She'd pretend that he was in the chair by the bed, watching her, and that she was giving him an eyeful. He never did that. He was a "lights out, lets make this quick," kind of guy.

In her fantasy, he was hard, watching her, maybe taking himself into his own hand.

A GLIMPSE

On the beach, she squatted. Nude. I caught just a glimpse of her hair, teasing, inviting.

MOTEL NAP

A sign of a good vacation is when you just go back to the motel and crash.

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BEFORE THE INTERNET

SINGLE IN THE CITY

When she was single and living in her apartment in uptown Minneapolis, she saw no point in putting on clothes to make her breakfast. Not even trying to date, she'd also ditched her razor. She'd let her hair grow out naturally, and she liked not worrying about it. It was more natural and easier, anyway. She kept her blinds drawn, mostly. And if anyone saw, whatever.

MULTI-TASKING

"The apparent simultaneous performance of two or more tasks." First came into common use in 1966. With this woman.

MARGE SIMPSON: RUMORS OF PLAYDUDE “LOST ISSUE”
New developments in Simpson scandal over Marge Simpson's recent appearance in both Playboy and Playdude magazines.


SPRINGFIELD—Playdude’s announcement of upcoming issue featuring Marge Simpson, wife of Homer Simpson of Springfield, and star of the popular television series, The Simpsons, has lead to alleged rumors of Marge appearing in previous issue of Playdude.

“This would certainly explain Marge’s strong reaction to uncovering Homer’s Playdude collection,” said Dr. Marvin Monroe, the Springfield psychotherapist.

Sources say that Mr. Simpson secretly stashed his stack of Playdudes for years, until Mrs. Simpson discovered them and forced Homer to get rid of them.

Mrs. Simpson's strong reaction to Mr. Simpson's collection of Playdudes raised questions for some, who know that the Simpson's series is peppered with allusions to Marge and Homer's frisky bedroom life. Throughout the 20-year span of the Simpsons, Mrs. Simpson is regularly dropping hints about "special snuggles." She is seen in provocative negligee, bath towels, and sometimes with only her blue hair covering her like Lady Godiva. Viewers may recall episodes where Homer and Marge get busy in motels, backseats, and even the Windmill of a mini-golf course.

“Marge has always been a cool [burp] lady,” said Barney Gumble, friend of Homer and Marge. “They’re always getting it on. I don’t [burp] know why she’d have a problem with a Homer’s old collection of Playdudes.”

“We’re on it,” said police chief Clancy Wiggum.

SEE THRU

Soft light, see-thru. Lovely.

INTIMACY

Sometimes, after sex, I am still semi-hard, but spent. She is shaking, blissful in climax, but able to cum again. She likes it when I stay close, and let her touch herself back to orgasm.

BREAKING NEWS: MARGE SIMPSON IN UPCOMING ISSUE OF PLAYDUDE

SPRINGFIELD--On heels of new issue of Playboy magazine, Playdude announced upcoming cover featuring Marge Simpson, wife of Homer Simpson of Springfield, and star of the popular television series, The Simpsons.

Playboy featured Marge Simpson on its cover in November, 2009. “This is nothing new, said Hef, “Playdude has been copying us for years.” Playdude has no affiliation with Playboy. The two publications are similar,” explained magazine and porn expert Comic Book Guy, “but the markets had never crossed. Playboy is like the Adam West Batman, and Playdude is the animated cartoon of Saturday mornings. Hurump.”

The recent cover of Playboy was a historic first for the publication of featuring an animated celeberty. The announcement of Playdude also featuring Mrs. Simpson would not have drawn significant attention, media experts say, if it weren’t for the cover’s suggestion that Marge Simpson has appeared before in Playdude prior to Simpson’s television fame.

“This is not uncommon for a celebrity to pose nude before their big break,” said actor Rainier Wolfcastle, star of the McBain franchise. “Cameron Diaz, Madonna, Marylin Monroe, even I have posed in the glorious nude,” he explained.

“I’m am going to Ebay now,” said Comic Book Guy. “Finding the lost issue of Marge Simpson in Playdude could be the best issue ever.”

INVITING

She offers her nipple to my mouth.

BACKYARD YOGA

When the weather is warm and sunny, she likes to do her yoga in the backyard. Naked.

BREAKFAST

She liked orange juice for breakfast. She liked her two roommates. She liked how easy going and friendly they were when she moved in. She liked how they didn't care if she sat at the breakfast table in whatever she'd worn to bed the night before, even if it was just a t-shirt. She liked how they walked around in the morning with their morning wood visible. They didn't seem to be embarrassed to have erections in front of each other, and that is how she knew she could have more. Since then, they have all looked forward to getting a good start on their day.

PDX!

Paris, Hemingway said, is a moveable feast. He was a young man in Paris when he was working on his first novel, the Sun Also Rises, surrounded by writers, painters, photographers, filmmakers... sounds like Portland today.

BACKYARD DARE

Jut before summer ended, we had a nice, warm day. She stood in the backyard, her face turned toward the sun, her eyes closed, feeling the sun's warmth on her eye lids. "I'd really like to be naked," she said.

"You should," I said.

"But the neighbors," she said.

We did have neighbors on two sides of the yard, behind fences. Chances are, they weren't in their back yards, and even if they were, they'd have to be looking into our backyard to really see.

"I dare you to," I said.

"For how long?"

"For as long as you dare," I said.

She didn't need any more prompting. She quickly stripped. "Here," I said, grabbing the camera, "let's document this."

It was a lovely send off to summer. Now it is far too cold, even though she knows she is brave enough.

HANG ON

Grab onto the headboard, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

BOYFRIEND, AFTER SCHOOL

Deb made out with her boyfriend after school when her parents weren't home yet. In her room, with the door locked, she let her boyfriend get pretty far.

PLAYDUDE: HOMER'S SECRET STASH LEADS BART TO 'RING-A-DING' LIFESTYLE

Homer secretly stashed his stack of Playdude for years, until Marge discoveres them and forces Homer to get rid of them. Homer insists that he's been keeping them "for the articles," so Marge concedes to allow Homer to keep his collection, if he clips out all of the girlie images. After doing so, Homer realizes that he really didn't read Playdude for the articles and tosses the magazines in the trash, where they are soon discovered by Bart and his pal Millhouse.



Inspired by the swingin' stylings of the Playdude life, Bart renovates his tree housedecides to adopt the "ring-a-ding-ding" Playdude lifestyle. Actor James Caan guest-stars.

ART INSPIRES!

In our city, any project built with public funding must set aside 1% of the budget for public art. I think if every company, and every person set aside at least 1% of their budgets to supporting or making public art, the world would be a much better place. Art has the ability to inspire us, and brighten our days. Who could argue with this lovely example of nude inspired by nude.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET

After my husband has been fucking me good, and I have had my orgasm(s), I tell him to put it in my ass, and let him finish there.

LIFE CHOICES

There are two types of regret: for things you did, and things you never did.

PRETTY IN PINK

ORIGINAL GANGSTA

This is how they rolled, Prohibition Era.

DREAMS IN WHITE

A halo of hair, a halo of sun. Could I be dreaming?

CREATIVE COUPLE

Here's a lovely creative shot. It's small and blurry and that's part of its charm. Thank for sharing!

GRASS AND ASS

My dad had a funny saying: "You're ass is grass and I'm the lawn mower."
Humm....this picture certainly gives a suggestion of what that could mean.

A KICK

She always hated how, when using her toy, she could never get in all the positions she loved with a man. She didn't want to always reach down, or twist to work her toy--she wanted to lay down and feel like she was being taken. The solution, she discovered, was a double-headed dildo. Being twice as long, she could insert one end inside her, and hold the other between her feet. Thrusting with her legs, like kicking back, drove the dildo in and out of her. That way, her hands could be free to pinch a nipple, rub her clit, or just grasp at the blankets as she imagined a thick cock pounding her from behind. A simple, but effective, solution.

SEXY SHOWER

It's good to know some folks are starting their day this way.

SEX IN THE CITY

Some say city girls are better in bed--others say country girls.

THREE'S COMPANY

Just goes to show that this has been a favorite sexual fantasy for a very long time....